60

60

So you’ve hit 60 – 60 years old that is, not the speed limit, whether miles per hour or klicks.  Now what?

Well, speaking from experience (I sped past 60 a couple of years ago), it takes longer to get out of bed in the morning.  I find myself sitting on the edge, for oh about 5 minutes or so, just getting used to a new day.  Doesn’t matter that I’ve gotten out of bed approximately a QUARTER of a MILLION times before today.  Every day is a brand new experience and my body shouts that out, loud and clear every…single…morning.

Oh, that’s new, I think to myself, when the ‘good’ knee aches some.  I’ll have to remember to put that on the list to go over with my doctor the next time I see him, which since I turned 60, seems to be a lot more frequently than before. 

And, according my doctor, almost every ailment I have (and believe me I’ve come up with some new and weird things), will take time to get better.  The one thing that hits home, is the realization that the amount of time to heal after you turn 60, is at least quadruple the amount of time that was required to get better before you were 60.  Not fair.  But if you’re lucky enough to be retired, then at least you have more time to deal with stuff.

I woke up with a crick in my neck around New Year’s Day (it’s now almost the middle of March).  I, like millions of other people (I’m assuming), think to myself, “It’s just a crick.  It’ll go away.”  Wrong.  And even more wrong, in trying to make sure that the crick doesn’t get worse, I shove extra pillows under my head, while watching TV in bed.  I did that, maybe 2 or 3 nights and wouldn’t you know it, my neck is even worse, probably because my head was forced forward.  Now my neck is sore from the base right up to my skull.  Wonderful.  I think I sprained it.  Doesn’t matter how much I use my Professional T.E.N.S + E.M.S. + Pulse Massager system or heat up my Enchanted Bag, a smallish piece of cotton fabric, filled with a 2.35 pounds (1.07 kg) of rice, heat in microwave for 2 minutes, and which cost $20.00.  This pain in the neck just won’t go away. 

I’m so miserable, it’s a miracle I don’t kill someone or something.  I can’t even yawn  ‘cause it hurts my neck so bad.  Kinda weird when you think about how something as simple as yawning can hurt so much.  I start wondering about what could happen if you can’t yawn properly.  Would it cause some other weirdness?  Kinda like when you dream about dying.  Apparently, if you actually die in your dream, that’s it – game over – you’re deader than a doorknob.  There’s no waking up.  I’m not sure if it’s true or not.  It’s just something I remember someone telling me when I was young and naïve and it’s still something I believe to this day.  So if you can’t yawn properly, what effect does that have on the rest of your not-so-young body?  Will it start shutting down in other ways?  Apparently, yawning is not only an indication that you’re tired, there is also a theory that we yawn to cool down our brains.  What happens if we can’t yawn and our brain overheats? Does it explode like an egg in the microwave? BANG!!!!  I really don’t want to find out and continue yawning as best I can, even though it’s more like just a half a yawn, ‘cause I stop when it gets to the point of hurting.

I plod through the next 14 or so days, trying to yawn without wanting to kick the cat.  Nope, pain-free yawning is just not happening.  Then, one morning, sitting on the edge of my bed during quiet time, I have an Ah Ha! Moment and think about Dr. Christy, the best chiropractor in the world. Oh, I hope I can get a fast appointment.  Of course, being the best chiropractor in the world, also means that she’s usually fully booked.  I can hardly wait until 9:00 a.m. and about 2 minutes past, I punch her number into the phone and hold my breath while it rings.  Dr. Christy answers after about 3 rings (good thing) and I pour out my tale of woe.  She tsks a few times (which I deserve) and is able to give me an appointment for the next day.  I think she keeps a small time slot here and there for emergencies.  I breathe a huge sigh, in anticipation of getting some relief quickly.

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Tuesday morning, yay!  I get to see Dr. Christy and have my pain in the neck fixed.  Oh, if life was just that simple.  Apparently Mother Nature has a cruel streak and decided that an ice storm was in order for today.  Oh goody, a change from the endless snow storms we’ve had.  What a bitch!  I keep checking out the window, hoping against hope that the ice rain would stop and I could make the trek uptown.  Nope, not going to happen. 

I'm so disappointed, I want to cry.   By 10:00 a.m. I had to accept reality and call Dr. Christy to cancel.  She kinda figured I’d be calling and bless her, she was able to give me an appointment for the next afternoon.  I keep telling her she’s going to heaven.

                                                        

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Finally, time to leave!  I throw Sofie, The Toothless Wonder Dog in the car (she’s allowed to come in with me, ‘cause besides being a people chiropractor, Dr. Christy also treats 4-leggeds), and head out.  Driving is tough, ‘cause looking left and right is tough.  No matter.  What’s a little more pain until Dr. Christy fixes it?

We arrive at Barrie Family Chiropractic, which is in one of the old historic duplexes on Collier Street, overlooking Lake Simcoe. There is great karma here and I feel a sense of serenity as soon as I walk in.  Dr. Christy and I catch up on the past three or four years and then she goes over the new medical history form I’ve filled out.  As we talk, I remember the odd thing that didn’t make it on to the form, of course.  Then, the magic begins.  Dr. Christy starts by checking out not only the main ailment but also makes a careful examination of my whole back.

Right off the bat, she can tell that my back is not exactly in whack and treats me to what I refer to as The Rack, which stretches me back into proper alignment.  Wow!  A lower back ache on my left side, which I’ve ignored for about 3 years, is gone.  Just that alone is worth the trek to the Upper East Side.  The coup de grace though is the treatment she applies to my neck and although I sometimes think the cure is worse than the ailment, it doesn’t take long for my neck to start feeling better.

Well, today, about 2 and a half months after this whole sorry episode started, I saw my wonderful (and young) doctor.  Wouldn’t you know, the first words out of his mouth?  “Oh, it’ll heal and be just like it was before it happened, but it’ll take time.”  Yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt!  Don’t ever wanna do it again.

Another couple of months and I should be as good as new.

                                          

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